9 Big Dealbreakers for men dating women - Baltimore Post-ExaminerBaltimore Post-Examiner

9 Big Dealbreakers for men dating women

The web is full of articles about women talking about all their dealbreakers (here is one of many examples). The Dealbreakers range from reasonable ones like, “he must not be involved in terrorist activities” to downright ridiculous ones that are very easy to remedy like “must be able to match his clothes” or “must not take too long to get dressed,” things I place in the category of problems you can easily rectify using Google. We talked with Alex Wise – a relationships coach and a featured publisher of Loveawake.com dating site. He is a recognized expert and here are some dealbreakers for men from Alex.

1. She doesn’t have her own life.

If the girl doesn’t have her own life, the guy will have to compensate for it by having to play too many different roles in her life. He will have to be her boyfriend, her BFF, her casual acquaintance, her support, her entertainment etc, some of which he will be ill-equipped to execute. Nobody is that multi-faceted or that interesting, that’s why we tend to socialize with a diverse range of people that bring different things to the table. A female friend will be better at listening to a slew of problems or complaints without feeling the need to provide a quick solution. She will provide an attentive, empathetic ear because certain topics and issues that women have men simply don’t care much for.

2. Just a pretty face!

Eliminating the variables of hygiene and staying physically fit etc, we have very little to do with how we look. Unless you appeared as an apparition to your mother before you were born and personally supervised the procreation process, you are just the product of a random blend of two sets of genes. So if you do absolutely nothing else with yourself, like play sports, perform the arts or at least have an interesting hobby, it really disturbs me. That means as a member of society you have done absolutely nothing interesting to better yourself. You are lazy and putting all your eggs in a basket that will wither away with time. When the novelty of your looks wear out, what do you have to offer then?

3. Bad habits.

Bad habits are repeated patterns of self-destructive behavior. If you ended up throwing up on the sidewalk one day because you drank too much that’s one thing, but if you are doing it every time you go out then it is problem. I can put this one simply. If you can complete the following sentence “Every time you see her she is………………..” and people add some kind of self-destructive phrase then it is a sign that you have developed a bad habit and a sign that some changes need to be made.

eg. 
“Every time you see her……….she is always getting into fights” 
“Every time you see her……….she is bringing down the mood and destroying a good time”  
“Every time you see her……….drunk and hell and causing a scene” 

4. Lack of confidence.

Many people lack confidence in certain areas but if it is inherent to all aspects of your life, it can become tiresome and repetitive to the people around you. Girls that lack confidence are always looking for approval and validation and so it will end up that most of the conversations you have will end up being about them. They will always be talking about if they are prettier than other women if they did the right thing or in worst case scenarios the lack of confidence manifests itself in unhealthy jealousy or other negative emotional responses. No one wants to spend the whole day telling you how pretty they think you are and have it counteracted by you telling them how ugly you think you are. Love yourself first and you’ll be better able to love others.

6. Has too many “dealbreakers”

Having standards for yourself is a good thing, in fact, a quality person will have high standards for themselves. Flexibility and compromise are also very important. If you are someone who spends all their time making elaborate, detailed lists of things you want or don’t want in other people, you are probably spending too little improving yourself. Instead of considering the idea that your insecurity and lack of trust may be driving men crazy, you might re-frame the recurring problem as a deal breaker e.g (I don’t want a man that always talking to other women in public). Consequently, such a person ends up with a long list of deal breakers but at the bottom of the list in the footnotes there will always be the question, “Why am I alone?”
 
7. Won’t back me up.

My family was a team. In public, we backed each other up, but it was very possible that although you have back up you’d still be slapped upside the head for acting a fool in public. It’s good to know you have support from someone else. When your girlfriend gets into a fight or causes a public kerfuffle the guy is expected to defend her, or step in and end things discretely if indeed she was at fault. I expect the same from a woman. Whatever, if I am being a total idiot we will discuss it when we get home and you are more than welcome to throw a sleeping bag out the window and lock me out for the night for a night, but in public, we are supposed to be a unit.

  

8. Too much makeup.

There is nothing wrong with wearing makeup to highlight your natural attributes but all things must be in moderation. If you caked on an extra face worth of make up it tells me about your attitude towards yourself. The attitude that your social acceptance and value is a function of how you look tells me you are willing to spend an eternity smacking on enough makeup making you eligible to work as a clown at  Cirque du Soleil just because you think it will impress someone.. What will you do in the morning? Wake up at 5 a.m., put on makeup and get back into bed so your boyfriend doesn’t see your real face? ~ I’ve heard it happens ~ yikes.

9. Not telling the truth. 

If someone doesn’t tell the truth you can’t trust what they have to say. That just means even little things they do become unnecessarily stressful because you could be off doing just about anything else other than what you said you’d be doing, the possibilities are endless.  Lies are a poor foundation to build anything on because the sledgehammer of truth is constantly banging away at their very foundation. Plus being truthful is a matter of respect. I get that humans have to lie in certain circumstances, that is the nature of being an adult but it must be understood that lying to people you care about is a good way to kill solid relationships.


About the author

Alex Wise is a widely published researcher in social and family relationships. He writes and speaks internationally on relationship issues. Follow him on his blog or on Twitter Contact the author.
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