Jim’s November Letters: Ye Done Wrong and Turkey Trots

Welcome to November and the race to grab all you can for the holiday season. If you are like me and cheap, you go through last year’s unwanted gifts and hope you do not regift them to those who gave them to you. It sure beats dealing with Black Friday. Another thing that beats Black Friday is my fan mail, so put up your feet and grab a hot drink and see what people have to ask me.

Dear Jim,
What are your thoughts about the remarks made by Kanye West regarding Jews? Is it the correct thing to do for major brands to drop him from their products or is this another example of society canceling someone for saying what others do not like or agree with?
Confused about Canceling

Dear, Confused,

I have only read a small portion of the remarks Kanye made and those were enough for me. However, I have to say I know nothing much about him other than he was married to a Kardashian and is a musician of sorts. Beyond that, I am as ignorant about who he is as he seems to be about Jews.

What I will say is when someone of note exercises their free speech and says what Kanye said, they should be prepared for a lot of fallout. My bigger concern is the level of ignorance his followers may have when it comes to history and the treatment of Jews. As history becomes increasingly watered down and even changed to fit the needs of leaders, it’s vital we keep real history alive.

As for those who choose to remain in business with him or endeavors associated with him, they should not feel surprised if they get “canceled” as well. You can’t have your cake and eat it too so by remaining in business with Kanye, you are telling us you are okay with what he said.

Dear Jim,
Have you ever said or done anything that could get you canceled? It seems impossible these days to not offend others. Why is it we feel the need to cancel them?
Sick of Cancel Culture

Back in my day, it was always controversial to cancel others. I remember the uproar caused when my friends and I found out Hogan’s Heroes was canceled. It was hard enough getting over the canceling of Gilligan’s Island, but fortunately they lived on in rerun eternity. There was no guarantee Hogan’s Heroes would do the same.

As for my own words and deeds, I will plead the 5th. You are essentially asking me to cancel myself which, in a way, is like asking someone to commit suicide. Besides, why would I when I have already paid off all the people who have dirt on me?

I see canceling others much like I see dating in high school. Once you realize you are not into the other person, you break up with them, which is canceling. In that sense, I was canceled by my share of females, but each one assured me they wanted to remain my friend.

Dear Jim,
Care to make any final predictions on the midterm elections? Will Democrats hold on to one or both houses? What happens if they lose both?
Anxious

Dear Anxious,

Don’t get too worked up because as soon as the midterms conclude, the race for the Whitehouse will begin. Don’t be surprised if one or two winners of big races toss in their hats before they are sworn into office. Of course, others will wait to see if Donald Trump runs.

As for the actual outcomes of the elections. Just think of 2020 and apply it to any close race a Republican loses. There will be cries of more stolen elections since this is the theme the Republicans are pushing. Why not make it seem worse than 2020 by painting Democrats of rigging elections as the only way they can win.

A lot of people will be watching to see what happens in Pennsylvania and Arizona. It will also be interesting to see what the voter turnout is like. Are Democrats and voters who are concerned about women’s rights and voting rights going to turn out in large numbers and swing the elections to the favor of Democrats? Or will Republicans enjoy a low turnout by their opponents and win both houses? Depending on how this plays out will determine which party takes both houses.

Dear Jim,
What is the biggest change you have made this year and how has it impacted your life?
Just Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Without a doubt the biggest change I have made was a recent one involving my switching from my trusty Brooks Ghost running shoes to the women’s version of the Asics Nimbus. Why in the world would I make a change like this when I have two unused pairs of Brooks still to use?

It’s simple. The Brooks Ghost has a 12mm heel to toe drop. The Asics Nimbus has a 13mm drop in the women’s shoe but only a 10mm drop in the men’s version. The extra millimeter is just enough for me to only need to insert my orthotic in the Asics while with my Brooks, I require one, and sometimes two, heel inserts to provide my calves with the extra lift they need to keep from turning into knots when I run.

When you consider how many decades I have run and how many shoes I have had to adjust the heel height to feel comfortable, not to mention all the post run deep massaging I have had to do, this change is more than welcomed. As for running in women’s shoes, my current purple and pink go mostly unnoticed since I tend to run in an empty park early in the morning. However, when the time changes and it gets lighter sooner, I may have to switch to a more subdued pair of white with aqua and pink trim.

Dear Jim,
Do you believe it is a mistake for Democrats to run a candidate who had a stroke last spring and has not fully recovered? In Pennsylvania, it might end up costing Democrats control of the Senate.
Concerned Voter

Dear Concerned,

On his worst day, John Fetterman is better than his opponent Dr. Oz. He is also a world better than anything Herschel Walker brings to the table. It takes far more courage to run for public office after having a stroke in a nation that places so much value on physical appearance than it takes to belittle him. Considering Fetterman’s opponent is an actual doctor, you would think Oz would know better. Then again, a doctor who was proven to be wrong as often as he was right with the remedies he sold on television may be more of a charlatan than an actual physician. In that sense, Oz meets all the requirements of the voters he represents while Fetterman meets those who take the job of leadership seriously.

Dear Jim,
My wife wants us to travel to her family for Thanksgiving and then to mine for Christmas. I don’t want to do either because the driving is stressful, and we return worn out and usually sick. Is there a good solution to this problem? If so, I would love to know what it is.
Traveled Out

Dear TO,

If you hosted family last year, you are expected to travel this year. If you are pressured to travel to see family every year, you should be used to it by now so either go or grow a set and tell people you are not going anywhere.

However, the real problem is not with traveling. It’s with your wife. She is the one telling you what she wants to do, and you do not like her idea. It seems your choices are to give in (I guess this is what you normally do), put your foot down (Something you did once and learned never to do again), or devise a devious scheme that she has to go along with. I just so happen to have one for you. It’s called COVID.

By now, you have most likely had it once, so go ahead and tell her you have it again. This means faking symptoms, so I suggest you check how Ferris Bueller did it. Time it so it is right before travel time and tell your wife to take the kids and go by herself. This will get you out of having to travel to see your in-laws. As for Christmas, feel confident if you have school aged kids that one or all will come down with COVID or the flu and see their vacation ruined. If not, you can always fake the flu as well.

Dear Jim,
You recently told an aspiring bettor not to bet on any specific football team to win the Super Bowl because they were one injury to their quarterback from seeing their season ruined. You also made mention of how horrible the quarterbacks were for the Seattle Seahawks and yet they are in first place in the NFC West. Would you care to eat your words or admit you were wrong.
Fact Checker

Dear FC,

People like you normally do not have many friends, if any at all, because you love to point out whenever someone is wrong, but you fail to point out when they are right. You are probably referring to how the Dallas Cowboys survived an injury to their starting quarterback Dak Prescott. You failed to point out it was a short-term injury as opposed to a season ending one. My San Francisco 49ers are dealing with a season ending injury to their starting quarterback, but since it happened in only their second game and he was replaced by last year’s starter, it will be interesting to see if they survive and make the playoffs. I specifically mentioned only a team with a strong backup can survive a season ending injury.

As for Seattle, they are off to a solid start and have gotten excellent play from their quarterback. I am going to hold to my prediction that if he gets knocked out for the season, the team will fall apart. However, get back to me once he has played an entire season and leads the Seahawks to the playoffs. It’s too soon for me to admit I am wrong. However, it is my obligation to tell you to lighten up on others unless you want to continue to not be invited to the annual staff Christmas Party where you would be shocked at what goes on.

Dear Jim,
Are we irreparably divided as a nation? If not, what do you think it will take to bring us all back together again?
Beyond Worried

Dear BW,

It sure seems like we are. However, I think we just need to get involved in a really good war with an enemy that we would love to have attack us first. It seems to be the American way. If only China would invade Taiwan, or maybe North Korea would strike Japan with a missile. In either case, we could unite in outrage and insist on an all-out war effort. Young men and women would feel compelled to do their duty and die for the country while our economy comes to a screeching halt; all in the name of preserving democracy. After seven or eight years of war, and a united effort, we can resume the process of slowly turning on each other as we tire of war, desire more jobs, and hope for a peaceful end to another war we have no way of winning or getting out of. It’s the American way. Until then, batten down the hatches and ready yourself for more political discourse on the home front.

And with that, let me wish you all a happy, healthy, and safe Thanksgiving. Don’t argue with your drunk Uncle while you eat turkey or you risk choking on a bone. And kids, whatever you do, don’t pull grandpa’s finger. You will regret it.