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Standing up for myself proves easier when I have support

Emily Campbell

When I was younger, I thought living in an apartment would be amazing. I envisioned a huge, airy, light-filled loft with cottage style furnishings and a large kitchen where I could entertain and have sophisticated cocktail parties. This dream apartment would also come complete with parking space, central A/C, free cable, and would be rented for $100 a month.

What I ended up with is a small two-bedroom basement apartment whose tiny windows are filled with A/C units because there is no central air. I do have a large kitchen and my own parking space, but cable is expensive and my rent is certainly not $100 a month. And when imagining this dream apartment, I neglected to factor in another aspect – neighbors.

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If you’ve been following my blog, you know that recently my boyfriend Awesome moved in with me. Last weekend, he washed his car and parked it in a different space than he normally does. A couple days later, we came out to a note on his car from the top floor neighbor, which said, “Please do not park on this side of the lot!! I have been here for six years, handicapped, and I need this space for friends and family who are dropping off packages, laundry, etc when recovering from surgeries.”

Now, if our neighbor truly was handicapped in a way that made it hard for her to walk, then by all means I would absolutely make sure she had the space closest to the house at all times. But considering that she has been living in a third-floor walkup for six years, and we see her walking her dog every day, I find it hard to believe that it would be difficult for her to walk the extra ten feet required when parking in another space. Furthermore, she wasn’t asking us not to park in HER space. She was telling us not to park in the space adjacent to hers – a free space meant for any visitors any of us may have.

Of course, Awesome reacted in the way that any warm-blooded male would –he promptly read the note and indicated to me that he intended to leave his car there until the end of time, even if it meant he would have to walk the 15 miles to work. Fearing the wrath of my crazy upstairs neighbor, I made him move the car and insisted that we just be better people and ignore her. Awesome did not like this. He thought that I was letting her walk all over me while I believed – well I don’t know what I believed but I just didn’t want anyone to yell at me.

Fast forward to that night, while he was sleeping, I was wide awake thinking about the note and my seeming inability to stand up to bullies. Could what Awesome told me possibly be true? Was I allowing myself to be pushed around too much? Then again, was I really going to make a big deal over a stupid parking space?

It was bothering me to the point where I got up, scribbled out a reply and left it on our kitchen table to possibly be left on the neighbor’s car in the morning. My hands were shaking when I got up the next morning – again, confrontation of any kind makes me sick to my stomach – reread the note, and decided to tape it to her front door. It wasn’t a nasty note, although it did have a twinge of sarcasm, but basically I told her we would do our best to keep the space clear but that I refused to tell my guests that they couldn’t park there just because they don’t have a package to bring me.

When I talked to Awesome about the situation, he explained that the reason why he was encouraging me to do something instead of just ignoring it was because he couldn’t stand to see me getting walked over. He wanted me to stand up for myself and he knew I didn’t want him to do it, so he decided to encourage me to do it for myself. I can tell you this much, I wouldn’t have had the courage to put that note on her door if it weren’t for him telling me how he felt.

So far, the neighbor hasn’t said anything to us, but we also haven’t parked in the space she claims is hers. Guess we just have to wait and see. In the meantime, I’m telling any guests with packages that they can have any space they want.