Revenge: How to get back at your ex- Baltimore Post-ExaminerBaltimore Post-Examiner

Revenge: How to get back at your ex-

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

Frank Sinatra said, “The best revenge is massive success.”

He’s right if you’re dealing with long-term revenge for long-term relationships. For example, since The Ex is gone I make 10 times the amount of money than when I was with him, I look much hotter now, have more friends, been traveling the world, and I’m finally happy. That’s long-term revenge!

But sometimes when exacting revenge, you want more immediate results. Here are a few ideas I’ve come across while researching this subject:

  1. Gain notoriety for writing a blog about your amazing life and all the rich and famous men you’re dating now. (I’m working on that one.)
  2. Sleep with his best friend. And then post it on all your social media accounts — with photos.
  3. Add them to my ex.  (All the men I’ve dated are entering their names in the database right now to see if I’ve added them – haha!)
  4. Pretend you’re preggo! It’s old skool, but still a lot of fun.  For the added bonus find a pregnant friend to pee on the stick for you and post the positive photo on his Facebook page.
  5. Report them to the IRS  and fill out Form 3949-A.
  6. “Accidently” run into his new girlfriend and “sympathetically” ask her if his genital Herpes has cleared up.
  7. Photo provided by Jaimie Beebe

    Photo provided by Jaimie Beebe

    Wait ’til he’s out on the town and call the police to report a drunk driver, make sure you know his license plate as well as the make/model of his car. It’s especially vengeful if he’s already driving on a suspended license (yeah, we already know I date losers).

  8. Delete any of his social media that you have access to, and report the rest for abuse.
  9. Spell out a fun word on his front lawn… with Lye.  Use words like: cheater, asshole, loser, failure, psycho…
  10. Post craigslist ads in the “personals” section for him looking for a gang-bang (with other men). Include lots of photos, his phone number, and address.

Of course, I’ve dabbled in my own personal short-term revenge recently. Chesty needed to be messed with, just a little. (If you don’t know who Chesty is or why he’s an ass, please read Mancation #2: Chesty in El Salvador).

Oops. (Photo by Jaimie Beebe)

(Photo by Jaimie Beebe)

I knew Chesty would be back on the Island in January because he owns a business there. I also knew that he was going to bring his wife and three kids this time, so I sent a message to his friend letting him know that I missed Chesty so much and just had to come back to the island to see him. I knew word would get back to him and he would worry about getting caught in his cheating ways.

So I pretended I was flying in and said I was hanging out at our favorite spots. I even had a friend of mine that lives there tell Chesty that I was at the bar looking for him — that he just missed me. I would have loved to see the color drain from his face as his wife asked him who I am.  Ha ha!

Winners never cheat and cheaters never win!
Sorry, Chesty.

About the author

Jaimie Beebe

At the age of 36, Jaimie has gone on one adventure after another. Getting an idea in her head she isn't afraid to jump into action... Usually with no planning and never considering the consequences. At 17 she left her small Iowa town to follow the band Phish and live in her car, she spent time protesting logging in Oregon, got arrested for organizing a topless march in Ohio, received a Bachelor’s degree in photography, spent a month camping in the forest at a rainbow gathering, received a Master’s degree in Music Management, managed some rock bands, modeled for Playboy, slept with a rock & roll legend a few times (hey, you would too), sold real estate in Los Angeles, bought a condo in Las Vegas and lost it to the bank when the market crashed, built her house in the Hollywood Hills in a bikini after the contractor she hired stole her money, took classes to become a magician, wrote articles and columns published in several magazines and websites, ran a production company, produced commercials with huge stars like John Stamos and Betty White and currently owns a casting company. And now she’s taking her readers with her on her next adventure: Mancation. Contact the author.


  1. Gum_ball_death says:

    My ex-girlfriend of 7 years decided to cheat on me. She gets paid under the table at her full time job…and doesn’t report any of her earnings to the IRS.
    Needless to say, I’m filling out a 3949-A on her today. Payback’s a motherf**ker!!!!!
    Revenge Tax!!!!!!!!

  2. J H says:

    I’m confused here. Is the baltimorepostexaminer advocating female readers commit a criminal offence? Fraudulent police reports, identity theft and so on?

  3. digigenocide says:

    To the writer of this article. You are a complete piece of shit. You leech of a man and when he decided to dump your useless ass, you attempt to ruin his life. If this man beat the shit out of you for doing any of this, you’d deserve it. Heres an idea. Grow the fuck up. You’re almost 40. You shouldn’t be acting like a child.

  4. saint2e says:

    “He’s right if you’re dealing with long-term revenge for long-term relationships. For example, since The Ex is gone I make 10 times the amount of money than when I was with him, I look much hotter now, have more friends, been traveling the world, and I’m finally happy. That’s long-term revenge!”

    So, you were leeching off his resources, letting yourself go, and moping around the house (that he paid for?).

    Huh, I wonder why you’re an Ex.

  5. Splamo says:

    This is an awful, awful piece. The best revenge would be moving on and forgetting your ex, not by choosing to remain in his life via spiteful pranks and tactics. You are a terrible person.


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