Rideshare Pets Gone Wild: Lizards escaping, dogs pooping, and birds flying

Leaping Lizards

“Hey, can you pull the car over? One of my lizards got out of the box.”

We were about 15 minutes into the ride when I heard this urgent request from the back seat. I picked up my rider at a strip mall pet store and he was extremely excited about his purchase.

Once he got into the car, I welcomed him with a warm hello by name.

His response was, “Guess what I just bought?”

“Well, since I picked you up in front of the pet store, and you’re holding a box with holes on the top, I think you bought a pet, right?”

“Oh man, these are more than pets, dude. These are Bearded Dragon lizards.”

He was eager to tell me about his pair of “beardies,” lizards native to Australia. The young man loved reptiles. He had a four-foot Boa Constrictor snake, a baby Corn snake, and several turtles.

“I’ve been waiting for a long time to buy these guys. The store is having a sale on their Bearded Dragons, so I rushed over earlier to buy them. I can’t wait to get them both home.”

I told him I was happy for him and wished him well with his new treasures.

Then, within minutes of our conversation, the frantic cry regarding a loose lizard.

I looked for a safe spot to pull off the road.

I pulled into a gas station, and he yelled, “Don’t open the door. Keep the windows shut!”

We both began searching under and between seats, under the dashboard, and anywhere a fast little lizard could hide.

Finally, behind the headrest on the deck beneath the rear window, we found the little friend, and my rider quickly grabbed him.

“Back in the box with you,” he exclaimed.

We both took a big breath and laughed.

In my mind, after a frantic search for his lizard, lyrics to an old Beatles rock and roll song, originally written by Larry Williams in 1958, raced through my mind.

“You Make Me Dizzy Miss Lizzy.”

Dog Days

Based on my experience, dogs are the most common animal people bring on their rideshares.

Pets, trips to and from the vet, service dogs, and Emotional Support Animals, are frequent occurrences.

I love dogs and all animals by nature.

The downside of transporting them is occasional odors in the car, hair, and drool spots.

And that’s just the pet owner!

Sometimes, moving dogs around in the vehicle can be quite an adventure.

On one such ride, I picked up the rider and her dog in front of the veterinary hospital. The woman gingerly moved toward my vehicle with a shaggy little clump wrapped in her arms and entered.

“Would you mind driving slowly, and please try to avoid all bumps if possible? My baby doesn’t like being in cars.”

That statement was an understatement.

Her baby completely freaks out in cars!

Within minutes of the drive, her precious cargo leaped from her arms, yelping loudly, and jumped around the back seat. Window licking, hair flying augmented by the occasional growling, snorting wet nose pressed against my plexiglass partition, with intent to claim a piece of my right ear.

All the while, the owner was screaming, “Oh, oh, I’m sorry. Please stop the car so I can calm her down.”

We stopped the car five times in our fifteen-minute trip.

As we were approaching the drop-off location, the woman pleaded with me.

“Please don’t give me a bad rating. I can’t afford to lose my ability to use your company for transportation. I’ll tip you nicely for the difficult ride.”

Against my initial instincts, I agreed.

I gave her a high, incident-free rating.

Bad decision.

After the ride, I checked out the backseat. Sticky wet spots everywhere. On the partition, on the windows, on the seats and floors. There was so much hair, my rear seats looked like a shag carpet.

And the icing on the cake. A little “doggy poo” on the passenger side carpet.

I turned off the app, headed home, and cleaned the car’s interior.

Two hours off the road and the joy of inhaling disinfectant.

All for a one-dollar tip.

A Bad Case of Bird Flew

Somehow, the small cage door accidentally opened, and one of the parakeets was experiencing a not-so-enjoyable freedom.

Blue and white feathers flying, and desperate screeching while hitting every object in the back seat area of the vehicle. Windows, plastic partitions, seats, ceiling, headrests, everything.

Bap, Flutter, Bap, Flutter, Bap, Flutter.

It sounded like a creative beat to a hip-hop song, albeit a bit off-rhythm.

“I thought the cage doors were all securely closed. Shit!”

“It’s okay,” I told the upset young rider. “Let’s pull the car over and figure this thing out.”

At that moment, while I was looking for a safe place to pull off the road, the bird found a gap in the plexiglass shield between the front and back seats.

Bap!

The little guy slammed right into the side of my face.

“I’m sorry, man. This is crazy. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied. “Hold on.”

I pulled over to the shoulder.

Exhaustion finally won the battle over fear, as the parakeet found a resting spot on the passenger front seat. Staring at me, breathing heavily, our feather friend seemed resigned to capture.

I slowly reached towards the bird.

Swoosh!

In a rapid, but gentle move, I had a “bird in hand.”

I smiled, turned to my rider, and held up the bird saying cleverly, “Yeah. This is much better than two in the bush.”

He looked back, smiling, and said, “Huh?”

I watched another old-school saying fly overhead faster than a parakeet in flight as we placed his pet back in the cage.

************

My “Rideshare by Robert” blog continues with new stories based on my published book, “Rideshare by Robert: Every Ride’s a Short Story.” The book, and the blog, are short stories about actual rides, observations, revelations, and reflections on the rideshare experience. I hope you will find the writings informational with humor and compassion for the human family.

So, climb in, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

Welcome to “Rideshare by Robert.”

A place where anything can happen and usually does.

 Disclaimer

I have tried to provide anonymity to all individuals portrayed in my writings while maintaining the story’s integrity. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. And, in some cases, the not-so-innocent. I have substituted the characteristics of individuals in my writings to further my attempt to maintain anonymity. Conversations and other details are based on my best recollection and notes. Although I have spent time driving with many celebrities and public figures over the years, I’ve intentionally omitted their names in my writings. I’ve also modified actual locales along with other details such as when and where the rides occurred to maintain my objective of rider privacy and anonymity.