Body Cams for all

(Tim Forkes)
(Tim Forkes)

It’s high time we face facts and begin instituting some cultural changes. First, and foremost is the need to imbed all citizens, legal or otherwise, with body cameras. This will transform our society by doing away with all misunderstandings, especially if we link them to our televisions and computers for everyone to tune in and see what we are up to. It just isn’t fair that cops are the only people who get to wear these devices. I want one, especially now that I realize I will never become a Hollywood heartthrob.

Besides law enforcement, body cams would be great for the medical field. How often do doctors botch a surgery or misdiagnose a patient? We all know every nurse is nothing more than a cranky old bitch who hates patients. Just ask anyone sitting in a waiting room and they have nothing good to say about who they are about to see for medical treatment.

Then again, body cams will also let us know which patients follow doctors’ recommendations and which ones are merely seeking legal drugs. We will know if the nurse is as bad as the patient says or if the patient is just a rude SOB. Is it really the doctor’s fault the patient is not getting better or is it the two packs of cigarettes, 12 pack of beer, and 9,000 calories a day of food he consumes keeping him from having the heart, lungs, and energy of a marathon runner?

Body cams at Over-the-Line! (Tim Forkes)
Body cams at Over-the-Line!
(Tim Forkes)

Politicians could stand to use body cams. We could see first hand just how difficult it is for them to turn down powerful lobbyists who offer them boatloads of money and other perks. We could see first hand who really misuses government money, who cuts backroom deals, and who is having their way with a congressional intern. The talking heads that cover our politicians might provide us with more honest and less one-sided coverage if we were allowed to know what goes on during their production meetings. We might actually find that Fox News is really just a bunch of douche bags sitting around making up stories.

Besides all cops being corrupt, we also know all teachers are either perverts or abusive. Then again, if we all had body cams, we might find out sweet little Johnny uses the “F ”word in more ways than we ever thought possible, or innocent Mary likes to hike up her skirt before class and tease the boys whose hormones don’t know what to do. We might find 40 students to one teacher is not much different than Custer’s Last Stand, that some parents should never have been allowed to procreate, and some kids actually do lie to their mom and dad.

Body cams can also tell us important things like whether or not your postal carrier smoked a joint during his lunch break, if your contractor used 12 penny nails instead of 16 penny, and whether or not your neighbor is spying on you when you sun bathe topless in your back yard. They will also let us know how often the bathroom at your favorite Starbucks is really cleaned, if the hotel maid actually changed the bed sheets, and whether or not your mechanic did the repairs he says he did.

Could body cams encourage your neighbors to spy on you? (Tim Forkes)
Could body cams encourage your neighbors to spy on you?
(Tim Forkes)

Does your priest watch porn or fool around with the alter boys? A body cam will let us know. Who were the kids who tee-peed your front yard? Body cams will tell us. And which neighbor’s dog keeps taking a dump on your front lawn? A doggie body cam is just the thing.

Americans just do not have enough access to information about others and only body cams can change this. We can all subscribe to Body Cam Television and just select the name of the person we want to check in on. Imagine being able to sit down on your couch and watch the life of another person before passing judgment on him or her. Perhaps my wife is having an affair with her personal trainer. Then again, maybe he is sitting on a couch at home watching me watch him.