I was just picking up the pieces of my life after a horrible bout of Y2K Virus when everyone started screaming about the next apocalypse, or was it eclipse? I get the two confused because they seem to happen once in a lifetime about every five years or so. This time, I stayed home with a blanket pulled over my head primarily because I didn’t want to drive to the beach and bury my head in the sand.
When it passed, I did what most people do and got down on one knee to give thanks for the internet so I could see about 38 million different posts showing what the news had already showed us for two weeks. In that time, I actually began to grow sick of hearing Dark Side of the Moon being played in its entirety. I was happy for Bonnie Tyler being recognized for the mediocre talent she was, but disappointed she didn’t sing It’s A Heartache in honor of the state of the White House.
Speaking of the White House, I noticed our president did exactly what we were urged not to do when he looked up at the sun during the eclipse. I have to admit, this might have been his single greatest accomplishment to date and feel so much better knowing he then went on to add another 4,000 troops in Afghanistan. It’s nice to know that after 16 years we are in it to win it no matter how long it takes.
Our next great distraction from Donald will take place this weekend in Vegas. No, it’s not the annual porn awards show, although they would prove more entertaining than what we are now being sold as the latest fight of the century. Some clown who has not boxed in two years is fighting some loudmouth who really isn’t a boxer but plans on boxing. This should make Ali vs Frazier look like a slow dance. How long after it is over before we are sold the next fight of the century?
I read earlier today where some female skier is banned from the next Olympics because of the lip balm she uses. What’s next, a sprinter booted for using the wrong toilet paper? How much lip balm does an athlete need to use before gaining an athletic advantage and just exactly what advantage is gained? I blame Suzy Chapstick for this mess.
Another U.S. destroyer has managed to run into another ship. I guess radar or even a crow’s nest is asking too much for these billion dollar defenders of freedom. Not to worry, the Pentagon will write it all off and just ask congress for more of our tax dollars. Who needs oversight when you have a bottomless wallet?
Speaking of wallets, I recently purchased a new one, something I do about every five years. For some reason, I felt compelled to change from a bi-fold to a tri-fold. My logic was simple. It holds the same amount of crap as my old wallet but when folded is much thicker which makes me appear to be richer than I am. However, since I have long carried my wallet in my front pocket, it also makes me look like I am walking around in public and sporting wood, something that does not go over well. I think I may switch to a money clip or fanny pack.
I see where Jerry Jones, one of my least favorite humans, feels strongly that all players should respect the flag during the playing of the National Anthem. It’s a shame he doesn’t mind if players beat women, get behind the wheel of a car while drunk, take performance enhancing drugs, or in general act like asses during the game. I guess he sees those behaviors as American as apple pie and respecting the flag which explains why his Cowboys team photo is often posted on the walls of post offices across this nation next to the other most wanted criminals.
Statues are coming down in the south, Barbie is now more politically correct, plus size models are in, and cauliflower has replaced kale as the new must eat vegetable. America seems to be moving forward except that I did read where alcohol consumption is on the rise, especially among women. This may or may not be true, but guys, just to be on the safe side, you may want to put a lock on your private refrigerator.
As for me, I think I will cash in on this craze and create a line of pink wine glasses and mugs and label them Hers with the hope they will sell out fast. Anyone on Shark Tank want to invest with me?
Top photo: YouTube screenshot of Fox News anchor Shep Smith mocking the hype over the eclipse
James Moore is a life long resident of California and retired school teacher with 30 years in public education. Jim earned his BA in History from CSU Chico in 1981 and his MA in Education from Azusa Pacific University in 1994. He is the author of Teaching The Teacher: Lessons Learned From Teaching and currently runs his own personal training business, In Home Jim, in Hemet, CA. Jim’s writings are often the end result of his thoughts mulled over while riding his bike for hours on end.