My friend Stacey (not her real name) recently broke up with her boyfriend of six months.
When I asked her the reason, she said it was because she had a suspicion that he didn’t feel the same way about her anymore. When she confronted him, he admitted that he didn’t see a future with her. She decided to end the relationship to spare herself further pain.
This is the worst type of breakup, because the lack of reasoning behind it means you aren’t getting closure anytime soon. Why doesn’t he see a future with you? You are a beautiful, intelligent, modern woman. What reason could there possibly be that he doesn’t feel the same way that he once did?
Unfortunately, I’ve been on both ends of this breakup conundrum, and I can honestly say, sometimes, you just don’t feel the same way anymore. I couldn’t pinpoint it for you, except to say that I blame myself for just not being ready to dive into a more serious relationship at that moment. It was nothing the other person did or said.
My ex broke up with me for the same reason; he was the one who “didn’t see a future anymore.”
I was devastated by this decision. We had been together for a year and I was head-over-heels for him. It was the worst breakup I ever went through, no contest. And to this day, I still believe that he just fell out of love with me, through no fault of my own.
I applaud Stacey’s decision to end the relationship before she could get more invested in it. Doing so would just have caused more hurt and pain down the line. So many people stay in a relationship they know is bad for them simply because they may be afraid to be alone. Or perhaps they think they might not find anyone else. Or maybe they think their partner will eventually change. Or whatever other excuse you can think of to keep dating the wrong person.
There are so many times in our lives when our gut screams at us to listen, our head says “Don’t do this” and yet we ignore this alarm system when it comes to love. Why?
You listen to it when deciding whether to touch a hot stove, or walk down that dark alley, or tell your boss to f*** off.
What makes love different?
Maybe because love is the one thing everyone desires. It’s rare to find a great connection with someone, so they look past the fact that he is nasty to his mother, or she flirts with other men, or it doesn’t feel 100 percent right.
I’ve been there too, thinking, “What am I going to do now?” after a break-up. Listening to that little voice in your head or gut or heart takes courage and confidence.
It took so much courage for Stacey to even bring up the fact that she felt like something was off in their relationship, and even more courage to break it off, even though she knows it was going to hurt like hell. And I know that even though she is hurting now, it’s just going to bring her closer to the RIGHT guy.
So even though she thinks it sucks (and it does), I’m still proud of her.
Emily Little (nee Campbell) was a perpetually single girl who recently met and married her Mr. Right. Her blog, Dating Emily, has been a two-year diary of her adventures in relationships. Her life of bar-hopping and casual dating has turned into one of dog-walking, craft-making and budgeting for eventual home ownership. But just because she can make a mean casserole doesn’t mean her adventures are over. As she prepares to become a first-time homeowner and eventually, a mom, she is discovering that the adventure may just be beginning.