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Moving Pictures: Boring Oscars telecast trudge through excellence

Martin Sieff

It should have been a Night to remember for the Oscars: The best brilliant, worthy crop of movies and performances in a generation, by and large, the best guys and gals won, and the return of a much-loved and delightful host.

So why did it all feel so – boring?

You know Oscar’s in trouble when you find yourself switching channels to catch the repeat performance of “The Mentalist”  (Spoiler!) unmasking Red John at last and choking him to death unrepentantly with his bare hands (Yayyy!).

And over the next hour, dipping during the commercial breaks for relief into the showing of (“John Carter””!!) on SPIKE.

Come back Seth MacFarlane, we hardly knew ye.

MacFarlane did far more than rope in a record audience and then outrage a fair chunk of them back in 2013: He had every viewer on tenterhooks as to what he would come out with next.

Ellen jokes that Lizza looked like a male - some thought it rather funny and others, well.... (Screenshot)
Ellen jokes that Liza looked like a male – some thought it rather funny and others, well…. (Screenshot)

Ellen, genuinely nice and good-natured as she is, did one have one memorable zinger for the ages when she looked straight at Liza Minnelli on her 50th facelift and complimented her as a great Liza Minnelli impersonator and then twisted the knife adding “Good job, sir.” The basilisk glare on Minnelli’s face was one to make Anthony Hopkins quail. It should make her a lock as a villainous guest star on “Hannibal” or “Bates Motel.”

Ellen hardly needs any further career boost. What she makes from her weekday show gives her enough moolah to buy up all the real estate in Hawaii. But her performance was still a career triumph. She was stylish, intelligent, tasteful and witty. She nailed her case to host another three more Oscar shows at least in far less than the seven years since her last one. And if Fallon crashes and burns at 11:30 pm and Jay doesn’t want to bail out NBC yet again, Ellen is the perfect choice to channel his spirit and that of the Revered Carson himself.

The problem with the show was not Ellen. We could have done with twice as much of her. The problem was the dull, plodding trudge through all the usual special tributes and film sequences. I have never seen them done over the past half a century with a more mediocre, joyless consistency.

There was not a single over the top moment or tasteless one. And as if fearfully recalling the attacks on MacFarlane after last year’s wild and raucous ride, even all the honorees performed with “meet your marks” mindless efficiency and conformity. It was like reading a Seventies DC comic book edited by Julius Schwartz.

The biggest pity was that this was truly a night to celebrate. The Academy, which so often acts pettily or childishly, showed generosity, wisdom and balance in almost all its major awards. Such a shame that the show couldn’t measure up to the magical standard of the many super movies it purported to honor. Even the clips from them were uninspired, far too brief, grudging. How depressing it is when so much production mediocrity aspires to honor so much excellence.