Men need to come with a warning label:
“WARNING: This man will reel you in with his mediocre looks and charm, but beware! He is addicted to cocaine and will embarrassingly try to f*&k your friends behind your back. Heartbreak imminent!”
Or maybe something less descriptive:
“WARNING: He’s an ass. Stay away.”
Luckily my girlfriend’s are usually by my side to spot the issue-laden men I try to date.
This week at an art gallery I spotted an aesthetically pleasing creature behind the bar and blatantly batted my baby blues at him. He was well tattooed, wore a suit, and handed me one drink after another – a dream come true! Of course he took the bait and after serving me my drinks he served me up his card. This is when my girlfriend “TS” hit the pause button for me. While watching my interaction with him she noted a few red flags:
- He poured my drinks extra heavy. (That’s because he was being nice. Duh.)
- He already asked if he could stop by my house after the bar closed. (Because I’m hot. You don’t know if you don’t ask!)
- He was wearing a wedding band on his left hand while pouring my first drink, but then switched it to the right after pouring my second drink. (He probably put it on the marriage hand by accident and then realized it and changed it.)
But I didn’t heed her warnings until she grabbed his card out of my hand and wrote two words on the back: “Short Man”.
Because he was behind the bar and I was slightly inebriated, I hadn’t even realized that he was actually shorter than me! Good girlfriends will stop at nothing to keep you away from the wrong guy. Thanks “TS”.
“JK” kept me from violating my deal breakers with a Tinder nightmare. Again, all the red flags were out and about:
- He wanted to hang out at 2am. (Hey, maybe he’s a night owl.)
- He was about 10 years too young. (He seemed mature during our Tinder texting.)
- He was unemployed and “in a band.” (But that just means he’s going to be a rock star and can’t spend his time at a dead end job)
Not that I was going to completely overlook those red flags, but he really had great tattoos and yummy stomach muscles! The deciding red flag for me? He also met “JK” on Tinder and sent her the same photos and texts that he sent me … Really?!?!
Another epic fail occurred with my wing-woman “JH” after some cocktails. Walking into a bar we encountered two tall, handsome men and I really hit it off with them! I mean, honestly, I could have seen myself with either one. Luckily, “JH” was there to inform me that:
- They were gay. (Hey, they were really hot!)
There’s not much to say after that piece of information except snap a selfie and move on.
This week’s blunders got me thinking that women should have some way to warn other women about these Disadvantaged Dan’s. At a recent all girl’s pool party (yes, we really have those) my girlfriend “MM” told me about an app that does just that!!
As I downloaded LuLu, I felt like someone had just given a pitchfork to the devil! I couldn’t wait to forewarn other girls about my exes’ issues. Lulu was really all I hoped it would be … a way to rate the men that I know and look up the ratings of the ones I don’t. Brilliant!
After signing in (no, men aren’t even allowed to download the app), I can view not only my male Facebook friends, but also the men that are within a few miles of me and I get to see the ratings that other women have given them. In order to rate a guy you are given multiple-choice questions, and a series of hashtags to choose from to describe them (If you’ve has seen my #Instagram you know I love hashtags). Not only can you rate your exes but you can rate your guy friends too!
I took the time to rate a few of the “winners” I’ve dated … and can’t wait to read about the ones I’m about to meet!
Follow me for daily updates on Instagram: FeatherGirl77 and Twitter @jaimiebeebe and send a tweet if you’ve got a guy for me to meet!
At the age of 36, Jaimie has gone on one adventure after another. Getting an idea in her head she isn’t afraid to jump into action… Usually with no planning and never considering the consequences. At 17 she left her small Iowa town to follow the band Phish and live in her car, she spent time protesting logging in Oregon, got arrested for organizing a topless march in Ohio, received a Bachelor’s degree in photography, spent a month camping in the forest at a rainbow gathering, received a Master’s degree in Music Management, managed some rock bands, modeled for Playboy, slept with a rock & roll legend a few times (hey, you would too), sold real estate in Los Angeles, bought a condo in Las Vegas and lost it to the bank when the market crashed, built her house in the Hollywood Hills in a bikini after the contractor she hired stole her money, took classes to become a magician, wrote articles and columns published in several magazines and websites, ran a production company, produced commercials with huge stars like John Stamos and Betty White and currently owns a casting company. And now she’s taking her readers with her on her next adventure: Mancation.