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All couples argue but it still feels like crap

Emily Campbell

After more than a year and a half of dating, Awesome and I had our first real argument this week. That’s not to say we never argue. We bicker sometimes, but even when I’ve thought I was really mad we usually end up just laughing about it. This was not one of those times. We yelled, I cried, he left the apartment to get away from me…it was a real doozy.

We must have been doing something right to not have had a screaming match for nearly two years. I am one of those people who really does not like confrontation – if you have been a long time reader of my blog you can reference the time I stood up to our old neighbor. But I’ve always been comfortable with Awesome, so telling him when I was upset was never a problem for me. I can have a nasty temper sometimes but usually it’s just a flare-up and then five minutes later I’m over it. Awesome is the same way.

I’ve never understood how people can hold grudges or stay angry for days. For some reason, I never have the energy to stay upset for long because it’s just not worth it to me. I grew up in a household where two extremes – stony silence and loud yelling – dominated most of my teen years, at least until my parents’ divorce in 2000. It got to a point where it was so bad that it was almost a relief when my parents announced they were divorcing. At least we wouldn’t have to listen to them constantly argue or constantly ignore each other.

I never really think of how my childhood and my parents’ divorce has affected me or the way I treat my relationship. I guess I always just figured that was just the way I was made. I assume there’s a reason behind why I shy away from confrontation, and a reason why I don’t hold on to anger, and another reason why I have such a flash-quick temper. But I don’t really care to figure it out. I’m an adult now so I should take responsibility for my actions instead of whining about how my parents’ divorce screwed me up.

Even though this argument was worse than all the others we’ve had previously, we still ended up making up in less than two hours, which was a relief. Everyone always says all couples argue, but when you are right in the midst of a screaming match you still feel miserable about it. I guess if you are lucky you can find someone who you can argue with effectively – or at least someone who wants to make up almost immediately after a big fight.