August Letters to Jim: Ground Hog Day and Global Warming

Another record-breaking month of heat has passed by and if you have not wilted from it, I have some fan mail for you to enjoy. Let’s get to it and see what people are wondering about.

Dear Jim,
Have you seen the video of Mitch McConnell freezing in front of the camera? Is this cause for concern given his position within the senate? Who would you rather see leave office, him or Dianne Feinstein?
Senate Watcher

Dear SW,

For a moment there, it almost appeared that McConnell was pausing to think, but then those around him realized thinking is not something the GOP is keen on, so they jumped into action and led him away from the cameras. Anything that keeps him from talking to the public is okay with me. In fact, I think in general, the GOP has a much better message when they just shut their mouths.

As for who I would rather see leave the senate, I think it is time for both to leave. I am very much in favor of term limits and believe with a continuous flow of new leaders we can get back to seeing elected leaders working with members from the other side of the aisle. It certainly can’t be any worse than the current state.

Dear Jim,
What was your initial reaction to the news of Bronny James suffering cardiac arrest? How do you think this will affect LeBron’s desire to play on the same team as his son in the 2024 basketball season?
Hoops Fan For Life

Dear HFFL,

I certainly did a double take when I saw the initial headline. Then I had to pause to think which of his sons it was. From there, I read the article to find out more about the incident. I am not such a LeBron hater that I would take pleasure in seeing tragedy hit him and his family. However, I did stop to wonder how this affects LeBron and Bronny’s NBA futures.

The main thing is for Bronny to get better and for doctors to figure out what caused his heart to stop beating. That, more than anything, will determine his playing future. It is entirely possible that Bronny has to miss his freshman season at USC which would also impact his NBA draft status for next year.

Whether Lebron gets to play with his son is no longer as big of a deal as just seeing if Bronny gets well enough to enjoy a normal and full life.

Dear Jim,
Is it too late to do anything to combat global warming? Record heat waves, horrific fires, melting ice shelves, rising sea levels, and more intense storms all seem more than mankind can effectively combat. Is this planet doomed?
Globally Concerned

Dear GC,

You left off famine, genocide, mass migrations, and an increase in more far right leaders to your list, all with links to global warming.

Is this planet doomed? No.

Is mankind doomed Perhaps.

The thing I find funny about all of this is we are now hoping that artificial intelligence will speed up the solutions needed for these problems after decades of refusing to implement easier changes that could have slowed this process greatly. Whether we survive this or not, mankind has themselves to blame. What interests me is if man does survive global warming, will humans return to their complacent ways or will they learn from previous generations mistakes and work to remain ahead of our problems? However, by then, I will be dead and composted, so I won’t think about it anymore.

Dear Jim,

Have you any thoughts about the Women’s National Soccer Team not singing our national anthem? Why is it that this group seems to always be engulfed in controversy?
Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

I think controversy dogs our women on the national team because sports in general in our nation is a male-dominated area and a lot of men go looking for reasons to bring down the reputations of the most dominant national sports team this nation has seen over the last thirty years.

If all a viewer can see is wrong with a team is whether they sing a song before a game, then they are just looking for an excuse to hate them. This team has flaws. It may or may not win the World Cup for a third consecutive time, but nothing they do will be the result of their singing or lack thereof.

Furthermore, this squad has done more to advance the rights and benefits for all female sports and to make sure they are treated with the same pay and respect given to men’s teams.  They are a proud, fierce, and inspiring group of talented athletes who only want to make this nation the first nation of women’s soccer.

Dear Jim,

Why does Trump’s support grow more solid among Republicans as his indictments pile up? Do these people really believe he has a chance of getting elected? It seems to me they would want to support someone who is electable and not a criminal.
Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

The element of “Republican” voters who support Trump remains strong and always will because they do not care if he is electable or a criminal. Trump represents people who are fed up with both the left and moderate elements of our government and refuse to back anyone they see in either category. They will remain loyal to Trump over a mini-Trump like DeSantis because they only want their person in the White House.

These voters do not care if they lose the election because they prefer a life in a prosperous and free nation that allows them to loudly bitch and moan about the very elected leaders who ensure their freedom. These are bitter and angry people who are easily led astray by mouths who reinforce their biggest fears, bigotry, and backwards looking ways. They are just as easily led astray by religious nuts who claim some perverted form of Christianity that is nothing at all like the life that Christ led. They are made to feel patriotic when in fact, they’d love nothing more than to rip the nation apart.

For these people, Trump is their savior. Until he steps down and names a successor, uh DT Junior, they will remain loyal to their King.

What remains to be seen is what the more silent conservatives think of all of this. Will they jump on board the Trump Train? Will they remain away from the polls? Or will they choose a second Biden Term over another one with Trump?

If these voters stay away from the polls, Trump loyalists will just call them cowards. If they vote for Trump, they believe they will win in ’24 and claim another stolen election if Trump loses. And if Biden wins outright, Trump loyalists will never accept defeat and claim yet another conspiracy.

What I am getting at, to these voters, it’s not about the outcome nearly as much as what excuse they have for remaining the turds they are. Get used to their stench, it will hover over this nation long after Donny is gone.

Dear Jim,
You’ve mentioned before what a shit storm the first half of 2023 was for you, and you began the second half with skin cancer surgery. But have there been any signs of things turning around for you that give you hope for a better second half of the year?
Pulling for You

Dear Pulling,

Yes, there have been a few signs of things turning around for me that give me a great deal of hope. The first is the gnarly looking toenail on my right big toe that gets worse to look at every week. I’ve managed to successfully remove half of the nail and am confident with the right amount of acid on the remaining nail, it will be completely gone in the next month.

Continuing with a foot theme, my plantar fasciitis seems to have finally healed and I am back to doing some light running. The best part of this is I am managing to successfully tie each of my shoes the first time, so they feel equally comfortable on my feet. My feet are not the same width, so I often end up tying and retying my shoes five or six times before both feet are happy.

Other signs of success have shown up at the Goodwill Store where just this past week I found four new t-shirts for less than ten dollars. A guy can never have too many quality t-shirts, especially when he lives near the ocean.

Just yesterday, after months of frustration over the quality of my decaf coffee, I hit the jackpot. Along with the usual mix of chocolate protein powder and some reduced calorie Swiss Miss in my brew, I found if I set a K-cup for only six ounces and then replace it with another for six more, I not only get a wonderful mix, but I also have two additional ounces to enjoy.

Last, but not least, I found if I use the jacuzzi at my apartment complex around 11 am instead of my usual nine when it opens, I am treated to the sight of a woman who reminds me of Phoebe Cates in Fast Times at Ridgemont Highsunning herself poolside in her thong bikini. It’s taught me that even at my age, I can still learn to accept changing my routine when it matters most.

Dear Jim,
Have you considered running for POTUS again? You gave it a good effort in 2016 and it seems you are well positioned as someone who cuts through the BS and makes decisions that are logical and in the best interest of the nation. With the right financial backing, you could well be a much-needed breath of fresh political air. I hope you consider it.
I’d Vote For You

Dear IVFY,

It is very nice of you to speak so highly of me. However, I think the political Kingmakers are not interested in financing my campaign and I already waste, uh, I mean spend enough time on the computer that I doubt I could spend anymore campaigning via the internet.

I still believe strongly that what this nation needs is for Groundhog Day to be declared a national holiday. I still have not lied to the voting public and I avoid making promises because I have deep commitment issues along with an aversion to working long hours, wearing nice suits, and knowing I can’t take a break and go to my local Goodwill Store and shop for nick knacks to place in the Oval Office.

There is one other concern. As a crackerjack ace reporter for this fine online publication, I would feel compelled to break stories about all the dirt I have on me to help drive whatever my articles are supposed to drive for BPE. That would lead to my *editor, who I think might be a communist, assigning Claudia Gestro to interview me and personally, I am sick and tired of her scoring all the big interviews. What’s wrong with me interviewing me?

In the end, I must decline the opportunity, but always know I will do all I can to serve this nation in other capacities as long as it does not keep me from napping twice a day.

I thought I would add a monthly prediction at the end of this column. If it comes true, I can pat myself on the back and if it fails to happen, well, I can point the finger at someone else. Here we go:

August Prediction: Smoke from a new batch of massive wildfires out west will make the rest of the nation forget about all the smoke they have had to breathe from similar fires in Canada. California has the best smoke in the world.

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*Editor’s Note: The editor would like to point out he is a Democratic Socialist who denounces the Marxist-Leninists that have controlled many sovereign nations.

Also, Claudia Gestro only covers professional sports.