Winning and epic fails - Baltimore Post-ExaminerBaltimore Post-Examiner

Winning and epic fails

Men say and do really stupid things when they meet women. Sorry men, but it’s a proven fact. Just in case someone wants to challenge this quality piece of information, I’ve got evidence:

  1. Does any women actually clean her house in lingerie? No! Seriously, when I’m on my hands and knees, scrubbing the floor, working up a sweat, I am definitely not in my lingerie.  But, how many guys reading this right now just got a sexy visual? #epicfail
  2. LingerieI don’t have slumber parties. I’m 36 years old; if there is a man spending the night at my house I don’t call it a “slumber party”. Nor do I take naps with strangers.  #epicfail
  3. 2 Slumber PartyTinder, oh how I love thee … Some guys can’t even get through to round 1 on this app. Tinder photo fails: do not pose with a midget in a superhero costume, do not pose with a cigarette and a rifle, do not pose in a pink bunny costume, and if you really are sleeping on your ex-wife’s couch don’t write it in your profile.  #epicfail
  4. 3 Tinder failsIf you honestly believe that you have magical powers, then why are you single? And if you are magical, and I ask you for a new car, don’t take a picture of a random car on the street and pass it off as something you conjured up. #epicfail
  5. 4 Magical failThe Hunger Games Dating Plan … Really? After thinking and re-thinking about such an absurd idea, I realized that too was an #epicfail.

5 Hunger Games FailBut sometimes a girl has to take a leap of faith in the single world of epic failures to find one that might actually be #winning.

I like to take baths. I often sit in the bathtub with a bottle of wine by my side watching Netflix for hours. Sometimes I bring my phone with me and read emails, text my friends, slide through Facebook, or peruse Tinder.

Bathtub Bob1

#winning

#winning

I met Bathtub Bob a few months back and as we randomly messaged each other we realized we were usually in the bathtub at the same time. As things escalated we went from messages on Facebook to texting to sending photos (PG rated!!), until he mentioned Bathtub Facetime.

My first reaction was “Hell No!”  First of all, I look like a drowned squirrel in the bathtub. And secondly, I’m naked in the bathtub! But … when he made his proposal he used logic: our hands are wet in the bathtub so it’s hard to keep texting, we live thousands of miles away so we can’t hang out in person and we can position our phones so there’s no nudity. So I went for it… yes mom, it was PG rated. You never know what’s going to happen when you try new things, but I can say Bathtub Bob has a leg up on the competition.  #winning

Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram: FeatherGirl77 for easier stalking!  Or tweet if you’ve got anything to say @jaimiebeebe

(All photos by Jaimie Beebe)


About the author

Jaimie Beebe

At the age of 36, Jaimie has gone on one adventure after another. Getting an idea in her head she isn't afraid to jump into action... Usually with no planning and never considering the consequences. At 17 she left her small Iowa town to follow the band Phish and live in her car, she spent time protesting logging in Oregon, got arrested for organizing a topless march in Ohio, received a Bachelor’s degree in photography, spent a month camping in the forest at a rainbow gathering, received a Master’s degree in Music Management, managed some rock bands, modeled for Playboy, slept with a rock & roll legend a few times (hey, you would too), sold real estate in Los Angeles, bought a condo in Las Vegas and lost it to the bank when the market crashed, built her house in the Hollywood Hills in a bikini after the contractor she hired stole her money, took classes to become a magician, wrote articles and columns published in several magazines and websites, ran a production company, produced commercials with huge stars like John Stamos and Betty White and currently owns a casting company. And now she’s taking her readers with her on her next adventure: Mancation. Contact the author.
COMMENT POLICY

HOME / ABOUT / CONTACT / JOIN THE TEAM / TERMS OF SERVICE / PRIVACY POLICY / COMMENT POLICY