Blogs Kierkegaard’s Left Lobe 

That one neighbor

Mark Forseth

[Author’s note: The following story is true somewhere in the world, I bet.]

There was an old neighbor who borrowed my hoe. I don’t know why he borrowed my hoe – perhaps I’ll never know.

There was an old neighbor who borrowed my rake. This isn’t fake! He borrowed my rake! He borrowed the rake to look for my hoe, which he apparently lost in the snow.

There was an old neighbor who borrowed my axe. He borrowed my axe to chop down his trees to look for the rake somewhere deep in his leaves. He borrowed the rake to look for the hoe, somewhere apparently in his unusually deep back-yard snow.

There was an old neighbor who borrowed my gun. Sounds like he’s having fun, over there with my gun! He borrowed my gun to hunt for my axe. He borrowed my axe to chop up his yard to find my rake. He borrowed my rake to find my hoe. I don’t know why he borrowed my hoe; where did it go?

There was an old neighbor who borrowed my boots, perhaps because of my gun, and the way it shoots. He borrowed my boots to search for my gun, the shooting of which, he said, he wasn’t quite done. He borrowed my gun to hunt for my axe – at this point, I’m afraid to ask for it back! He borrowed my axe to find my rake. He borrowed my rake to find my hoe, which I thought he said got lost in the snow. I don’t know… If he broke his foot, I bet he’d borrow a toe!

There was an old neighbor who borrowed my dog. His search, it seems, has been a long, hard slog. He borrowed my dog to find my boots, figuring that dogs like to chew on shoes and all. He borrowed my boots to – well, to look cool shooting my gun, I think. He borrowed my gun to hunt for my axe, which, to me, sounds like a load of crap. He borrowed my axe to fell all his trees – perhaps his bonnet is full of bees? He chopped down the trees to find my rake – which is probably on thin ice since he lives on a lake. He borrowed my rake ‘cause he lost my hoe somewhere, I guess, in his odd collection of snow.

There was an old neighbor who borrowed my chain saw. He borrowed my chain saw to cut up his house to find my now-missing dog, last seen chasing a mouse. He borrowed my dog to sniff out the boots, which was complicated by the way this guy always toots. He borrowed my boots, I bet, to impress that buxom neighbor lady across the street while he looked for my misplaced gun. Allegedly. My gun he needed to hunt for my axe, or so he says. He borrowed my axe to take a few whacks to cut down the trees which were hiding my rake somewhere in their leaves. He borrowed my rake to look for my hoe. Nobody knows why he borrowed my hoe on the day of that big ol’ snow. It’s been quite a show!

There was an old neighbor who borrowed a lighter. This guy won’t give up, he’s quite a fighter! He borrowed my lighter to burn down the rubble that once was his house because the house got all cut up from when he borrowed my chain saw, which he also can’t find, when he was looking for my lost dog, last seen chasing a mouse. Somewhere in his house. He borrowed my dog to find my boots – perhaps they’re in cahoots, these two, with my boots!? He borrowed my boots to find my gun, which last I saw was loaded, and sounded like loads of fun as he shot it all over the back yard. He borrowed my gun to hunt for my axe, which he borrowed to level his whole yard in back. He borrowed my axe to find the rake, lost in the leaves, or it’s somewhere taking a break. He borrowed my rake to find my hoe. Does anyone know why Joe would need a hoe during a snow?

There was an old neighbor who borrowed a … Hey wait, wait a second…

Heh, what’s that in the corner of the garage?

Well, what do you know? I’ve still got my hoe. He must’ve brought it back on the day of that snow! Thanks, Joe!

 

(Feature photo courtesy of  U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service. This guy bears a remarkable resemblance to that one neighbor.)