Pick-up lines that don't work on women using okcupid - Baltimore Post-ExaminerBaltimore Post-Examiner

Pick-up lines that don’t work on women using okcupid

Certain people have a tendency go back and forth after a break up, not really sure if they’re ready to finally pull the plug.

I need to be honest with my dear, loyal readers; I went back to okcupid. I’m not sure why. I don’t want to blame John Cusack for not tweeting me yet … But I was feeling lonely and okcupid was there; it just happened.  I’ve been reading profiles and perusing pictures in hopes that some of those old feelings would come back.

I had renewed hope in this relationship as I typed in my old password, but that was soon diminished when I read the messages from all the Meandering Mathews that had arrived in my absence.

Obviously I’m not a dating expert (hence Mancation) but I do know a few things about what women like, and the shitty pick up lines men use.

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

How is it that a 28-year old is a “younger man” to a 36-year old woman? Next time I meet a guy in his 40s I’m going to ask him if he’s into younger women and then tell him I’m 36. Also, when a “younger guy” asks if I’m open to “a fun and casual,” I can only assume he wants to have a fun wedding and some casual children …

I know it’s hard to come up with a great line on okcupid, so some guys go for the simple approach: your name and something about yourself:

“Hi! Nice to meet you.”

“My name is Fabulous Fred and I have 6 kids.”

“Hey, how’s your weekend?”

“I’m Buzzkill Barry and I drive a Lamborghini.”

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

But “I am a firefighter with long hair” only makes me want to hash tag your ass #longhairdontcare

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

The wrong end of the spectrum from the simple approach is the “deep thinker.”  Honestly, I’m picking dates based on their height and number of tattoos; the depths of my soul would drown in a coffee cup. And the guy that wants me to hold him the way I hold my dogs has his own set of issues.

proper grammar2I realize it’s the age of technology and texting, but when writing a note to a woman you don’t know, certain grammatical rules should still apply.  “u” is actually spelled “you.” most people capitalize the beginning of a sentence and speling errers can easily b corectted using spel chek. Seriously, put some effort into it!

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

And guys, your selfies are horrible enough, but a photo with a strange or dead animal is wrong on every level. Don’t do it.

BathtubBob2On a side note … Bathtub Bob is still better than a rubber ducky at bath time and we’ve been FaceTime tubbing so much that I’m surprised I haven’t grown fins …

JohnCusackHelp a girl out and tweet @johncusack to let him know I’m not crazy @jaimiebeebe and we’d make a cute couple! Stalk me on Instagram (FeatherGirl77) because I like the attention.

About the author

Jaimie Beebe

At the age of 36, Jaimie has gone on one adventure after another. Getting an idea in her head she isn't afraid to jump into action... Usually with no planning and never considering the consequences. At 17 she left her small Iowa town to follow the band Phish and live in her car, she spent time protesting logging in Oregon, got arrested for organizing a topless march in Ohio, received a Bachelor’s degree in photography, spent a month camping in the forest at a rainbow gathering, received a Master’s degree in Music Management, managed some rock bands, modeled for Playboy, slept with a rock & roll legend a few times (hey, you would too), sold real estate in Los Angeles, bought a condo in Las Vegas and lost it to the bank when the market crashed, built her house in the Hollywood Hills in a bikini after the contractor she hired stole her money, took classes to become a magician, wrote articles and columns published in several magazines and websites, ran a production company, produced commercials with huge stars like John Stamos and Betty White and currently owns a casting company. And now she’s taking her readers with her on her next adventure: Mancation. Contact the author.