Could legalizing marijuana help Senator John McCain? - Baltimore Post-Examiner

Could legalizing marijuana help Senator John McCain?

Medical-marijuana-approved-in-MA

Is it time for Senator John McCain (R-AZ) to retire and go stare quietly into the sunny air, occasionally shouting to no one anywhere about going to war and arming the rebels? The man is incoherent and has been for years. Now he’s calling for Watergate-style hearings about our U.N. Ambassador, Susan Rice. Seriously, dementia is settling in.

“But John McCain is a war hero!”

Yeah, that’s the party line and five-plus years in a prisoner-of-war camp, when he could have gone home earlier, certainly qualifies the man for hero status, but really, even war heroes can succumb to dementia. It happens. Alzheimer’s Disease eventually overtook Ronald Reagan, considered by many to be one of America’s greatest presidents.

John McCain could retire, that crazy Governor Jan Brewer could appoint some even crazier Teabagger to take McCain’s place and the good senator could go off quietly into that good night and spend his days smoking pot to alleviate the effects of becoming irrational and irrelevant.

What McCain needs can be found in Colorado or Washington State.

Well sure, McCain can remain in his Sedona, Arizona home, but he could also move to his place in California where he could easily get a marijuana card to smoke pot legally. Or, he could go to one of his homes in either the state of Washington or Colorado. I’m not sure if Senator McCain and his rich wife have homes in Washington or Colorado, but I’m betting they have a nice chalet in some place like Vail or Aspen, Colorado.

McCain and his trophy wife could retire there, hobnob with … I don’t know, who even gives them the time of day anymore? But, he could sit on his veranda overlooking some pristine mountains filled with skiers and snowboarders, smoking pot. His daughter Meghan, now a famous TV prognosticator herself, could trip into Colorado every couple of weeks and hook up with her college friends living in The People’s Republic of Boulder (as the local conservatives refer to the place) and ask, “Hey! Can I score a lid of some Maui Wowie?”

“Tim, John McCain is a war hero.”

Yeah, I know, but still, the guy is a little goofy in the head.

“Tim, no one buys pot by lids anymore.”

What do I know? I stopped smoking pot over 28 years ago. And what do you want to bet Meghan McCain gets her freak on, ala Michael Phelps, from time to time. She’s young, she’s hip, she’s wow … she’s just a Republican.

And who knows, the McCains might have a place near Friday Harbor in the San Juan Islands of Washington where he can sit on his porch and watch the Orcas breach the surface as they move out to the open ocean to find some breakfast. And smoke pot while he does so. Meghan can stop by for a visit, heading to Seattle first to hook up with her college buddies who moved there to be Foo Fighters groupies and score a lid, or ounce or whatever.

The main similarity here is that McCain — or anyone else for that matter — could relocate to one of these states and smoke pot legally, or as legally as the federal government will allow the states to treat marijuana. In California of course it’s only legal for medicinal purposes and quite frankly, there appears to be a lot of ailments for which marijuana can be therapeutic. Glaucoma and alleviating the effects of cancer therapies aren’t the only illnesses on the list.

Picture McCain with a card like this.

You could be batshit crazy and need it to alleviate your symptoms of hyperactivity; if you have hyper nervousness you can use it. Pain, any chronic physical pain can be alleviated by pot. Seriously, you could say, quite accurately if you’re a Republican, you have a pain in your ass that won’t go away (for at least 50 more months) and you need to smoke pot to alleviate that. You would get a marijuana card. Just don’t tell the doctor the pain is the Kenyan-born, Muslim Socialist Obama getting re-elected.

On the other hand, the thought of another four years of that Fascist-Socialist Obama could make you so depressed, only a daily — twice or even thrice daily — dose of marijuana could alleviate that condition. The possibilities are endless.

Were I still a pot smoker I might consider moving to one of those states just to be honest about it. I wouldn’t consider it very long because it gets cold in both states and in Washington it either rains all the time or rains and snows all the time. And in Colorado, well it’s in the middle of the Rocky Mountains and it gets cold and filled with snow for months at a time.

On the other hand, if you prefer being honest about your pot smoking and want to state, unequivocally, you smoke chronic purely for pleasure and fun, then you want to relocate to Washington or Colorado. In those two states — and only those two states — you can legally smoke pot for recreational purposes. Or as legally as the federal government will allow those states to treat it.

  • I moved away from Wisconsin for a reason, my snow-bound friends.

So,  I’d just stay here in Sunny Sandy Eggo and apply for my marijuana card, citing a host of ailments that require marijuana alleviation and the good doctor would stamp my forehead, “Sicko” and voila! Daily, legal, pot smoker.

Here’s the fly in the soup, the thumb in the eye so to speak to these marijuana laws: the drug is still on the federal government’s list of controlled substances (schedule I); in other words, it’s still illegal despite that fact that in 2012 majority of the people now support making weed legal. No matter how legal Colorado and Washington make it, federal law still trumps state law so growing, processing selling, owning and using marijuana is still illegal in all 50 states and the territories to boot. They don’t even call it “marijuana” on that list, it’s called “Tetrahydrocannabinols.” Mainly to cover all the known derivatives of the plant’s wonderful products, including rope and clothing.

  • I found out, purely by accident, you can’t roll a rope or hippie-dippy fluffy shirt into a big joint and get high. It just doesn’t work that way.

The Washington Times published this graphic- well times are a changin’.

Sixteen  states and the District of Columbia allow marijuana for medical use and two states now allow pot for recreational purposes. That’s … (I’m doing the math) … 36 percent of the U.S. that now sees marijuana as a legal substance, 38 percent if you want to treat D.C. as an equal to the states. But, the federal government doesn’t even recognize the capital district as equal to the states so pick your percentage.

So what’s the point of lighting up if it’s still illegal to light up?

A local California cop isn’t going to bust you for smoking a joint, but if you were to say stop at your local Taco Bell at 2 a.m. to fill that munchie jones and you happen to walk up (don’t drive, it’s still illegal) smoking a big fatty and there’s a couple of ATF or ICE agents there filling their munchie jones too, well, you could get popped on a federal beef. And that ain’t no Taco Supreme I’m talking about here.

  • Here in Sunny Sandy Eggo I roll up to Cotixan’s for my burritos and more often their carne asada chips or fries. It’s on Mira Mesa Blvd, stays open late and has two drive-up windows. Good eats!
  • One more thing: should you fire up a bowl of pot on any beach in San Diego County you will get ticketed: there’s no smoking at all at the beach. Take your ganja over to the nearest street, find a comfortable corner and light up there.

The history of the criminalization of marijuana is short and well spoken of in more informed quarters. By the 1930’s pot was illegal and with the Controlled Substances Act of 1970 it became a Schedule 1 drug. Since then every president and Congress has refused to budge on the listing. Why? There’s a lot of money to be made fighting it for one and for so many years it was a great way to drum up votes: being against them hippies and minorities who smoke pot — hell yeah!

Then there’s the theory that various industries, like the booze distilleries and fabric makers are against it because it would cut into their otherwise comfortable monopolies. Think about it: if you start smoking pot all day instead of pounding down those beers and Patron, that’s no Buenos in the state of Jalisco, Mexico, where they expect you to partake in the local cerveza and tequila. And no good in the U.S. where drinking is a national past time.

So it’s illegal in America under the premise that it’s a dangerous drug.

But science is on the side of those who wish to make it legal across the land. It doesn’t cause death the way heroin, cocaine, tobacco and alcohol do, unless you drive a motor vehicle impaired. In fact no one can find any physical properties that make marijuana dangerous. This may only be anecdotal, but I found it made me dull and sullen which is why I stopped using it. But that’s apparently not the case for everyone who likes smoking pot.

Clearly though the federal government is on the wrong side of history with this issue. More and more states will be legalizing it one way or another and pretty soon the feds will be dealing with more than half the states legalizing pot. If the Democrats wanted to insure the youth vote for decades to come, they would push for complete legalization of marijuana and let the states regulate it. Hell, the feds could regulate it and collect billions in tax revenue, just like it does for alcohol and tobacco. It’s estimated that the marijuana business, “legal” and otherwise, generates anywhere from ten to 35 billion dollars a year. Tax that like they tax alcohol and tobacco and that’s billions in new revenue.

Ironically, the Obama Administration stepped up their prosecution of marijuana laws, busting pot clinics all over the Golden State, but that seems to have slowed down, at least in the run up to the 2012 election. It’s time for the president to get out in front of this issue and, just like he did with same-sex marriage, declare he’s all for legalizing marijuana throughout the U.S. Hell, he smoked it in high school and I’m willing to bet college too. Be true to your school Mr. President.

This could hurt beer sales. Imagine less drunks.

Just declaring his preference for legalizing pot wouldn’t make it so. The ATF and the lobbies for big tobacco and alcohol have some powerful allies in Congress, but what the hell, the ATF can still go after all the other illicit drugs and the tobacco and alcoholic beverage companies could expand their product-base and get into the marijuana business. Everybody makes a profit and cousin Billy in the wilds of Kansas can grow his little patch out back by the wheat and soybeans.

And then go after those a-holes destroying the state and national parks in California (and elsewhere) with their illegal gardens.

It’s “legal” in Arizona so Senator McCain can retire to Sedona, get his marijuana card and start smoking. Have his wife invest in whatever company picks up the Hostess brand so he can keep his favorite munchies food close at hand. A Twinkie for a twinkie.

 “Tim, John McCain is a war hero.”

I know, but the guy has outlived his usefulness to society and his party. Don’t be a Brett Favre Senator, retire while you still have some dignity. Buy a copy of the Marijuana Growers Guide and start a little marijuana patch in your backyard; it’ll give you something to yell at in your golden years.


About the author

Tim Forkes

Tim Forkes started as a writer on a small alternative college newspaper in Milwaukee called the Crazy Shepherd. Writing about entertainment issues, he had the opportunity to speak with many people in show business, from the very famous to the people struggling to find an audience. In 1992 Tim moved to San Diego, CA and pursued other interests, but remained a freelance writer. Upon arrival in Southern California he was struck by how the business of government and business was so intertwined, far more so than he had witnessed in Wisconsin. His interest in entertainment began to wane and the business of politics took its place. He had always been interested in politics, his mother had been a Democratic Party official in Milwaukee, WI, so he sat down to dinner with many of Wisconsin’s greatest political names of the 20th Century: William Proxmire and Clem Zablocki chief among them. As a Marine Corps veteran, Tim has a great interest in veteran affairs, primarily as they relate to the men and women serving and their families. As far as Tim is concerned, the military-industrial complex has enough support. How the men and women who serve are treated is reprehensible, while in the military and especially once they become veterans. Tim would like to help change that reality. Contact the author.
COMMENT POLICY
  • Joe

    I supported him in 08 because Obama appeared to flashy and no substance. Also Obama was a huge supporter of Drones and 0 experience.

    However, since 2010 Mccain has gone crazy. He has filibustered tax cuts and promoted civil war in just about every country. The Old Man needs a break. Republicans need a Nixon/ Eisenhover figure

  • budsan

    It’s a shame that the leaders of the GOP do not demand that John McCain retire immediately, It’s quite evident that McCain lost it mentally!

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