Baby Boom on the Mancation - Baltimore Post-ExaminerBaltimore Post-Examiner

Baby Boom on the Mancation

As my favorite fans have pointed out in several sweet emails, I’m not getting any younger. I want to have children the old fashioned way: meet a hot guy, get knocked up, then make sure he does the right thing and pops the question before I get too fat. But, I’m 36 so the old fashioned way won’t be available if I don’t find Prince Charming soon.

Luckily, there are other ways to have a baby.

One of the easier ways to get a baby is to score a one nighter with a hottie. Several of my girlfriends have inadvertently gotten preggers with this method and they weren’t even trying! Although it’s considered a one-night stand, you still have to do the research on the potential Baby Daddy. He needs to have money in case the kid costs more than you planned, check out his family (no crazy health or mental issues), and remember that ugly guys make ugly babies so choose wisely!

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

Dating a single dad is another avenue, but not one I would recommend. This has the most potential for problems. Don’t underestimate baby mama drama, their goal is to remove you from the happy little family you just found. And if break up is imminent, it is likely you will never see the children again, no matter how much you love them.

A sperm donor is a splendid idea! Similar to a one-night stand, but without the dinner first. There’s no romance in buying baby batter, but on the other hand I haven’t dated a romantic guy since college so purchasing the special sauce might be worth consideration.

What if the guy is just claiming to be gay to try and score? (Photo by Jaimie Beebe)

What if the guy is just claiming to be gay to try and get lucky?
(Photo by Jaimie Beebe)

Another idea is to sponsor one of those kids from a foreign country. The problem with this plan is that you don’t actually get a kid, but for less than $1-a-day they will send you pictures to post on your Instagram. It’s good practice while you weigh your other options.

How many kids could I sponsor? (Photo by Jaimie Beebe)

How many kids could I sponsor?
(Photo by Jaimie Beebe)

But what’s a good short-term solution? Egg freezing. Freezing your eggs will free up some extra time to find Captain Perfect.  When you’re ready they thaw out the eggs, pop them back into place and you squeeze out a baby! But how can a single woman afford such an expensive procedure? Launch a Kickstarter campaign!

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

Photo by Jaimie Beebe

I’ve considered these great baby-making ideas and for now I’ve decided to keep looking for the man of my dreams. But, I’m hoping that women all over the world will read this blog and see that at the age of 36 baby-making plans are not as bleak as they seem.

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Be sure to follow me on Instagram (FeatherGirl77) because I’m so pretty and Facebook because you can find never before seen photos of me in compromising postions! And as always tell me your thoughts on Twitter (@jaimiebeebe) because I genuinely give a shit.


About the author

Jaimie Beebe

At the age of 36, Jaimie has gone on one adventure after another. Getting an idea in her head she isn't afraid to jump into action... Usually with no planning and never considering the consequences. At 17 she left her small Iowa town to follow the band Phish and live in her car, she spent time protesting logging in Oregon, got arrested for organizing a topless march in Ohio, received a Bachelor’s degree in photography, spent a month camping in the forest at a rainbow gathering, received a Master’s degree in Music Management, managed some rock bands, modeled for Playboy, slept with a rock & roll legend a few times (hey, you would too), sold real estate in Los Angeles, bought a condo in Las Vegas and lost it to the bank when the market crashed, built her house in the Hollywood Hills in a bikini after the contractor she hired stole her money, took classes to become a magician, wrote articles and columns published in several magazines and websites, ran a production company, produced commercials with huge stars like John Stamos and Betty White and currently owns a casting company. And now she’s taking her readers with her on her next adventure: Mancation. Contact the author.
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